As we were leaving the meeting last night, Matt (from Uptown) stops me and says,” So what class will you be going to, Sheri? I’m thinking the 6 a.m. class sounds pretty good and then I can go straight from here upstairs to work. We could meet up and be ‘Team Uptown Magazine!’” He says it so hopefully and positively that I feel bad shutting him down. “Yeah, that sounds super great, but I have two children at home, one that needs to catch the bus at 6:30-6:45 a.m. and a toddler sleeping and my husband goes straight into work from there, so I don’t think the 6 a.m. class is gonna work for me.” As soon as I start talking about my kids and their skeds, Matt’s eyes glaze over the way most people’s do when they do not have or are not ready for children. I get it. Showing up (on time) for yoga 5 times a week is going to be the most difficult part of the 40 days

Honestly, I think I’m just gonna have to accept failure on that part. The classes offered don’t completely fit into my perfect schedule and I just don’t know how I’m going to do it.  Here’s my scheduling dilemma. (Note to stalkers: I’m about to give you a lot of info about me and my family’s daily schedule. Please do not choose to stalk me. I am far less interesting than, say, Paris Hilton or Ric Flair--try them.)

Family Cast of Characters: MJ (loving husband), IJ (Kindergartener), RJ (Insane Toddler) and Sheri

Scenario: We live in a corporate apartment. Everything is rented. From the couch to the bathroom rugs, nothing is ours. All of our stuff has been in storage while we wait to move into our new home (we’ve been here almost a year; we thought it would be 3 months). MJ is a “suit” (he works all the time, even Saturdays) and I help teach 3-year- olds at a preschool on MWF from 8:30-1:00 and TTh mornings I write for Uptown. I volunteer with the Junior League of Charlotte and am currently chairing the committee charged with raising a million dollars for our Cornerstone Project by this May.
  
Monday Wednesday, Friday:
5:30 am: MJ’s alarm goes off. He stops snoring only to push the snooze button 3 times-Ugh!
6:00 am: I try to meditate and keep repeating the word “Hope” to myself over and over again. MJ thinks I’m talking in my sleep. He heats up donuts (breakfast of champions!) for our son IJ in the microwave and turns on the cartoons, showers and gets ready for work.
6:20 am: MJ encourages/berates IJ to move faster--they might miss the bus.
6:30 am: MJ and IJ kiss me goodbye and they’re out the door to catch the bus that stops graciously by our apartment complex and shows up between 6:30 and 7:00 a.m. if it doesn’t break down.
6:35 am: I give up on meditation and watch FOX News Rising. I love it. Local programming at its best. I think about showering and make the decision to wash my hair now or wear it in a ponytail with tons of hairspray (this decision is crucial since it affects 20 minutes in the morning sked.)
7:00 am: RJ wakes up and starts banging on the walls of his closet. (Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. Our toddler sleeps in a Pack n’Play in a nice, dark, spacious closet. You gotta problem with that? Didn’t think so.) I hate it when he bangs on the walls. There’s something so “Flowers in the Attic” about it.
7:05-7:30 am: I shower, get dressed in something washable (small children are messy) and retrieve RJ from the closet.
 8:00-8:20 am: Feed RJ an Eggo and some chocolate milk, convince him to change his diaper and think of creative ways to get him dressed for school. We pack up and run down two flights of stairs and into the car parked at the end of the parking lot where I find a fresh ding on my door left there, no doubt, by the just-out-of-college-and-still-partying imbeciles who live below us.
8:40 am: Arrive at school with a shoeless RJ and act nonchalant at my habitual 10-minute tardiness.
8:50 am-12:30 pm: Carpool begins and the 3-year-olds show up. They’re darling and energetic and the woman I work with is an incredibly talented and far more dedicated teacher than I, but by the time I retrieve RJ from his class and get to the car its 1:10 and time to go get IJ from school. I’m exhausted.
1:10-1:45 pm: Off to Starbucks and straight into the carpool line at IJ’s school.
1:45-2:00 pm: Pick up IJ and ask about his day. He says it was great and wants to know if “F-U-C-K” is a bad word. I want to throw up--he’s only 6! I tell him it’s the WORST bad word and that we don’t say that word (except when mommy is really really mad! Ha!). I probably shouldn’t have made such a big deal out of it because I have a sinking feeling IJ has inadvertently educated several of his kindergarten friends on how terrible this word is…
2:00-4:00 pm: RJ naps (sort of) and bangs on his closet walls. IJ watches Disney, has a snack and works on homework while I return phone calls and e-mails and try not to fall asleep.
4:30 pm: RJ is retrieved from the closet and I call the YMCA Childwatch and make a reservation for 5 pm (they know I’ll show up at 5:15). I tell the boys we’re going to the Y and they’re annoyed. I tell them it’s for mommy’s mental health.
5:00-6:00 pm: I’m at the Y, kids dropped off, IPOD in ears. I find an elliptical that doesn’t squeak, and it smells like everybody wore deodorant today…good times.
6:00-6:30 pm: Drive home. The boys are hungry and cranky. They’re begging for Chef Boyardee ravioli tonight. ‘Mother of the Year’ award, here I come.
6:30-7:30 pm: Serve “dinner” to the boys and find an “approved” vegetable. We settle on broccoli. MJ shows up with a bottle of wine (I do love him so) and helps get the boys bathed, PJ’d, read to, prayed over and down for the night.
7:30-11:30 pm: Cook dinner, watch some TV, have in-depth discussion on politics, our feelings and American Idol, make lunches, set out clothes, shower and bed!

Tuesday/Thursday:
Same schedule as MWF but without the teaching part
9:00-9:15 am: Get RJ out the door and am the last one in the carpool line.
9:30 am-12:15 pm: Make phone calls, interview, write, talk strategy for raising $$ and maybe get to the Y for an hour.
12:20 pm: Carpool line to pick up RJ (why am I always the last one?).
12:40 pm: An errand or back at the apartment for a snack and playtime with RJ.
1:50 pm: Haul ass over to IJ’s school and apologize for being the last one in the carpool line.
2:00-4 pm: Same as MWF
4:30 pm: T-ball practice for IJ
5:00-6:00 pm: Chase RJ around while IJ practices
6:00-11:30 pm: Same as MWF

~ Sheri Joseph