So after a couple of days off the wagon (I’ve been moving for God’s sake, gimme a break), I resolve to get back. Staci LeFleur informs me that if I’ve been off the 40 Days, then I’m supposed to pick it up and complete it even after the program is over. When did she become an expert? I already feel guilty enough! Staci’s all into the yoga thing, and one day we start talking about some of the poses. I’m not exactly sure why Staci volunteered to sign up to do 40 Days with me. At first she said if nothing else it would make her more flexible for interesting sexual positions (and I had to admit, the thought did cross my mind). We laughed the other day at this pose called “Deaf Man” where you’re on your back, with your knees pinned to either side of your head. We like to call it the “monologue” pose (as in “The Vagina Monologues” because it’s like giving yourself an exam). Not really sure why I’m telling you this; I just think it’s funny.

 I’m still not used to all the weird and wonderful things the teachers get us to do in class and, and I’m not sure if I’m ready to abandon my defenses yet. There’s always this little voice inside my head saying how completely ridiculous this is and can I believe this stuff they’re saying, like that my breath is my power source? Whenever I hear that, I’m reminded of a wacko cousin I have who’s really into natural childbirth and then I start thinking about babies and epidurals, and that’s when I usually fall over in a puddle of my own sweat. Natural childbirth? Yeah, while you’re over there breathing, I’ll take the drugs and read a People magazine. Anyway, I just don’t know what to do when my mind shifts into the skeptical/negative gear.

I read the chapter from Week 5, which is the “Centering” week, and at the end the questions are all about trusting yourself and using your intuition every day. I guess that’s what the centering chapter is all about (although I wish it were called something else because I think the word “centered” is way overused). Believing in me is a tough thing to do if I’m always second-guessing everything. Baron suggests letting those thoughts just go, come back to our center (our anchors of hands, body and breath) and remind ourselves our center is always there, no matter what thoughts are all around us. I’m skeptical (shocker), but I try it during a particularly tough class and it works pretty well.
Now to put it into practice in my actual life…

~ Sheri Joseph