Tuesday rolls around and we’re full on into the 40-day rejuvenation program. I make it to the 12 o’clock class. I’ve got it down, now. I finally choked up the cash and shelled out $50 for the micro-fiber über-absorbent sticky mat to replace my beach towel; I’ve got my water, a hand towel to wipe my sweaty face off, a headband to hold my hair back, and my favorite spot (back right corner). As they say in Rhode Island, I’m all set.

I’m getting the breathing down and starting to feel like a bona fide yogi (BTW, I hate that word). Until…Steve tells us to get into the crow position (your head is forward and your knees are unnaturally landing on top of your bent elbows-ridiculous) and also splits. He keeps telling us to breathe. I’m looking around the room, and it seems like everybody can do this stuff except me. Show-offs. Steve says we can always go back into the basic “downward dog” position…I take a deep (very pissed-off-at-myself) breath and get into stupid Downward Dog. Such a beginner. I set a goal: splits by the end of the 40 Days. I know this isn’t about setting and reaching goals; it’s supposed to be about something deeper. But what can I say? I’m pretty friggin’ shallow.

Getting into Week 2 of the 40-day program means you’re supposed to move from 5 minutes to 10 minutes of meditation each morning and evening. I sort of hacked my way through 5 minutes each day, but 10? At the end of class, Steve holds a meditation session for the 10 minutes. Here’s the mantra I have chosen to repeat: “Expect a miracle.” Nice, isn’t it? But my mind keeps drifting and I try to get it back to nothingness by thinking “ohmmm,” but that sort of sounds like “hominy” which makes grits, which makes me think of bacon and then breakfast, what did I have for breakfast, maybe tomorrow we’ll get Munchkins from Dunkin’ Donuts (but not the jelly ones-ick). Yep, pretty friggin’ shallow.

~ Sheri Joseph