The 40 Days are over and I feel surprisingly sad.  It’s been just a couple of days since we finished, but I feel myself getting back into some bad habits. For example, I go to try on some new clothes at one of my favorite stores and see only the cellulite on my thighs and think my arms look fat in the mirror. Negativity takes over. Maybe it’s the lighting (I love to blame the crappy lights), but the same old recordings play in my head and I wish I could turn them off like I was able to during the 40 Days.

I talk with MJ and say I’m gonna miss getting to yoga on a regular basis. He tells me I can join up at the yoga studio or do the Y, but not both, because that wouldn’t be fiscally responsible. Quit the Y? It’s my safety net. The treadmill, iPod and Us Weekly have been my workout partners for years. I guess this choice, in an odd way, represents a bigger choice: go the old way (easy and non-threatening) or the new way (tougher and more uncomfortable). I still haven’t decided—that’s the easiest thing to do. Question: Can I do enough yoga to justify the price and keep myself in shape when I have two little kids at home and a husband who works a lot? Maybe this isn’t the right time to devote myself to yoga. Maybe the Y is better—there’s childcare and the occasional yoga class offered. Maybe I’m being a slacker and looking for an excuse not to continue the yoga thing.

I read the book hoping Baron will shed some light. He writes that even if the revolution is complete, I’m going to continue on the revolution path. Ugh, Baron, you’re killin’ me. He writes, ”Overcontrol and perfectionism are spiritually deadening. We’re not in a process of discovery when we simply do the same things correctly over and over again.”

Do I care about self-discovery in my physical practice, or do I just want a hot ass? I still dunno.

~ Sheri Joseph