Today I was at school and saw Staci LeFleur* and she’s totally into the 40 Days. She’s been to class several times and even bought one of the $50 super-absorbent sticky mats they sell at YogaOne. She’s doing great, reading the book and meeting new friends and I’m happy for her. Well sort of, in a jealous happy-for-you sort of way. I mean, I want her to have a positive experience and she seems like she is, but I keep stumbling with my crappy schedule and all my “busy-ness” and nobody in the classes seems to want to hang with me…ick. Whiner. God, I annoy myself sometimes.

So, I do the meditation this morning and can’t get to class at the studio so I try a home practice out of the Baron Baptiste book and it wasn’t pretty. I kept noticing how dirty the carpet in the apartment is and how loud the TV in the bedroom was, and “Top Chef” was on. It all fell apart when I tried the “boat” pose (Navasana) in the week one section and got actually pissed off at Baron Baptiste. Why did he have to put that stupid position in the first week when my ass is still sore from the first class I took earlier?  Doesn’t he know that there are a lot of beginners here and this is friggin’ hard? Yet there’s Baron, all blissed out with his exotic name and his do-rag in the picture, making it look so easy. Does he even care that I’m staring at the latest juice spot on the carpet and it’s everything I can do to ignore it and not get the carpet cleaning stuff? Is that even his real name?

I’m pissed at myself too. Why are my abs and arms so weak that I can’t lift myself off the ground? Why is it that everything we think is easy is so friggin’ hard?!

MJ has a saying: “Nothing worth doing is easy.” He’s right, of course. He usually is (it’s annoying). I get proactive and decide to focus on something I can accomplish and decide to work on one of Trudi the Motivator’s homework assignments (unclutter one part of your physical space) and I fold some clothes. OK, I fold just a few shirts, but it’s a start. I breathe deeply and try to focus on what I can do and be grateful for it. Give myself some grace. The feet that I think are so ugly have carried me far; the body I loathe is one that has given life, and has strength to help me love life and the people in it. Til tomorrow.
Peace, SJ

~ Sheri Joseph