Christmas Party Horror

The holidays are upon us, a time for giving a little more, eating a little more, celebrating a little more … and for some of us, making just a little more of an ass out of ourselves. As the Corporate Holiday Party season approaches, let’s take a moment to observe some of the oh-so professional behavior from the past, and honor these HR nightmares in all their glory. I hereby present to you some of the “Worst Corporate Holiday Party Moments,” those treasured times that occur when alcohol and employees mix together, creating the perfect blend of awkward moments followed by Monday morning walks of shame.

“A co-worker of mine, an analyst around the same age as me (30-ish), got smashed at our Christmas party. She started a conversation with the head of our department, a much older and well-respected man, to try to impress him. During the conversation he kindly asked her if she had children, and her response was: ‘Oh, no! But I told my boyfriend, if we do get pregnant that baby better not have his big head, because I’m so small, you know? Wouldn’t that be, like, terrible, pushing that big melon out of my tiny vagina?’ I had to walk away, but not before I saw his face … priceless.” – GL

Ouch … I’m sure she walked her tiny vagina all the way to the unemployment office, right after she got canned ….

“My pervy co-worker, who was clearly bombed, told me, ‘You have the face you would see in a magazine. Not your body, just your face.’ Um, thanks a**hole! By the way, I don’t care if you print his name – it’s Ted.” – LS

Sorry Ted, but you deserve that one!

“I went to a holiday party for a radio station in Ft. Lauderdale. It was at a really neat restaurant on the Intracoastal waterway. The owner of the station, let’s call him Vinny, was this really crazy, short Italian guy with a major temper. Vinny walks up to the DJ and demands he play a song, to which the DJ refused. Vinny says, ‘I am the owner of the company and you better play that song.’ And the DJ says, ‘Or what?’ Vinny says, ‘Or I’ll take you outside and beat the shit out of you.’ The DJ replied with a swift ‘F*ck you,’ stops the song playing right in the middle, turns off his equipment and starts packing up. Vinny is livid at this point, and demands that the DJ turn the music back on. ‘No, I am done,’ says the DJ. And they go toe to toe in an ugly, awkward fight, until Vinnie’s wife walks over and tells her old man to cool it. The DJ packed up and left. Vinny just looked at everyone and said, ‘MERRY CHRISTMAS,’ and walked out.” – DD

Wait a minute: a short Italian with a temper problem? Don’t know if I can buy that one ….

“A couple of years back, a female co-worker did ‘The Worm’ at our holiday party and her dress was way too short to be doing that! She flashed the entire company! She’s always good for a laugh when two glasses of wine are involved.” – JW

Why did they stop her after two drinks? I think a third could produce great potential…

“I’m a teacher, and my friend made out with the DJ at our holiday party … like in front of the principal, teachers, all of the faculty … just got hammered and made out with the DJ. So bad.” – KK

Well, at least this DJ was cooperative …

And the grand finale…

“I was working with this one girl who I had a crush on for the entire year, and I saw our corporate holiday party as my time to shine. I kept my cool all night and made sure I didn’t drink too much, and steered clear of all the other idiots getting bombed and looking stupid. I finally approached her and we hit it off – she was going to ride with me to the after party. We were waiting for the valet guy to bring my car around and I noticed my stomach was rumbling pretty bad, but I figured it would pass. He pulled up the car and I opened the door and let her in, and right when I got in on the driver’s side and sat in the seat it happened – I (pooped) my pants. I didn’t know what to do so I told her I was fine when she asked me if I was OK … needless to say, she smelled something funny and politely left, saying she had another ride.” – DM